


Let Me Be Brave

by fillorianravenclaw



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Q saves Eliot, post 4x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-11-27 03:41:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18189308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fillorianravenclaw/pseuds/fillorianravenclaw
Summary: "He's still in there - Eliot - He's still trapped in his mind, in that corner where he was the whole time the monster had control of his body."Quentin nodded. "..Okay. How do we get him out?"Alice tugged at her lip with her teeth. "You, Quentin. You can pull him out."





	1. Chapter 1

_Eliot's safe. Eliot's safe. Eliot's safe._ The words spun dizzyingly around Quentin's head as he followed the group of people into the apartment.

Margo and Julia were carrying Eliot's unconscious body between them and Quentin found that he couldn't tear his eyes away. There was a softness to Eliot's face now that the monster had left him; something unnoticeable to most but Q, having known him almost all of 60 years, couldn't help but see it.

Eliot was carried into one of the bedrooms and laid gently on the bed, looking oddly peaceful as the group gathered round. They had been in a strange trance-like state since Eliot had returned to his body and the Monster had been killed - nobody was willing to break the silence. It was Alice who spoke first.

"We should leave him to sleep. He'll most likely be awake in a few hours." She said, her voice loud to Quentin's ears after the long silence.

"No." Margo spoke up quietly. "I'm not going to leave him. I won't let him wake up on his own."

"I- I agree. I want to stay with him." Quentin murmured shakily. Margo glanced up at him and met his eyes in understanding, he offered a weak smile.

"We all need some sleep I think," Julia said, looking around the circle, "But you two can take turns sitting in with him if you like?"

Q nodded wearily, his eyes still glued to Eliot.

"Great, well there's only three bedrooms sooo some people are gonna have to share or sleep on the couch," Penny pointed out.

"Oh I am _so_ not sleeping on the couch." Someone muttered. And then they were all leaving, off to try and get the best bedroom as if Eliot no longer mattered. Quentin felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and turned to give Julia a reassuring smile as she left. And then it was just he and Margo left in the room.

Quentin moved and perched on the bed, not taking his eyes off Eliot for a second, and hesitantly took his hand in his own. He felt a dip in the bed that told him Margo had done the same.

"He'll be ok, Q," she whispered softly.

Quentin blinked back tears that he hadn't even realised were there. "I know he will. He's Eliot. Of course he will. He'll be ok." He ran a trembling hand through his hair.

"Q..." Margo started.

"He'll be ok." Quentin repeated, trying to make his voice sound firmer and more like he wasn't lying to himself. He turned desperately to Margo, tearing his eyes away from Eliot and saw his feelings and emotions reflected there.

And then suddenly Margo was launching herself at him, her arms wrapping firmly around his shoulders, enveloping him in warmth. And it was all too much. The tears that he'd so desperately been holding back were suddenly streaming down his face and he was sobbing into her shoulder. He could feel Margo shaking against him - he obviously wasn't the only one crying. Quentin could feel as the walls he'd tried so hard to keep standing, came tumbling down and he let them, let his emotions come rushing out to sweep him away. His sobs wracked against his chest unceasingly as he clutched tightly to Margo's trembling body.

"He  _will_ be ok, Q," Margo whispered after a while, her usual fierceness returning to her voice. Quentin drew back with a choked sob and nodded.

"I know- it's just- I can't-" He struggled, his voice cracking and the sobs threatening to take over again.

"Hey, shh.." Margo pulled him gently back to her chest and held him there until they both fell asleep; warm in each other's embrace and content in the knowledge that their friend was safe now.

\------------------------

The two awoke in the morning to a soft knock on the door from Julia. Quentin darted upright, scrambling to see if Eliot was still there. 

"He's still unconscious.." Margo murmured softly, her hand clutching Eliot's.

Q nodded quietly and turned to see Julia standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Jules," He muttered sleepily.

"Hey, I've got you guys some breakfast? If you'd like it?" She smiled and entered the room carrying two bowls of cereal. Her face still looked pale and drawn, but she looked a lot better than she had done yesterday. Quentin reached out and took one of the bowls silently with a small strained smile. He watched Julia's eyes drift over Eliot's unconscious form and a look of sorrow pass over her face.

"Has there been any change?" She asked cautiously. Both Margo and Quentin shook their heads.

Quentin tried desperately to keep his mind off the fact that Alice had said last night that Eliot'd only be unconscious for a few hours, but it didn't work. What if they _did_ lose Eliot? What if, after everything that'd happened, Eliot died all the same? Quentin choked out a sob, squeezing his eyes shut and trying so,  _so_ hard to ignore the hollow pain in his chest at the thought of Eliot dying.  _Again._

"I'm just gonna..." Margo murmured behind him, trailing off, and Quentin could hear her footsteps as she left the room.

He moved closer to Eliot and put a hand on the other man's cheek.

"El, please.." He whispered softly. "Please.."

"I  _need_ you, El-" He breathed, his voice cracking and the pain seeping through him. He leant forwards, his hands cupping Eliot's face gently, and rested his forehead against the other man's.

"Don't do this to me, El.. not again," He sobbed quietly. "Please, don't this to me again."

"I-"

There was the sound of a door opening behind him and Quentin jumped, turning around. He had forgotten Julia was still the room.

"Sorry, I can go now.." She murmured, pulling the door wider open.

"No- uh- It's ok. I just didn't realise you were still here." He said hesitantly, removing his hand from Eliot's cheek.

She gave him a small, sad smile before approaching the bed slowly.

"Q...What did you mean by 'again'?" She whispered softly.

"Hm?"

"You said 'please don't do this to me again'?"

Quentin's eyes widened. There was obviously not really a way out of this now and Julia deserved the truth. "I- Uh- Well-" He started, nausea swirling in his stomach as his head swam with memories of their life together.

"Q?"

"Did I- did I tell you about how we got the third key..?" He asked warily.

"Bits and pieces.. Something about going back in time to Fillory and completing the mosaic?"

"Yeah.." He mumbled. "I- Uh-" He scrubbed a hand over his face nervously - how was he supposed to tell this?

"We had a life there." He said suddenly. "We- We had a life, a home, a family." He felt the familiar claw of pain at his heart as he remembered Arielle and Teddy.

"A family?"

Quentin nodded silently, squeezing his eyes shut to try and stop his tears from falling - because  _jesus christ_ _why was he crying so much?_ "I had a wife. Arielle. And we- we uh- we had a son.." He turned to look at Julia. "It was so beautiful, Jules. It was- it was perfect."

Julia looked shocked but nodded and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Quentin looked down at his hands fumbling uselessly in his lap.

"Eliot- I- We-" He broke off. "I loved him, Jules.  _Love_ him, even."

"I  _know_ Q. Anybody paying attention can see that."

Quentin looked up at that.  _Oh._ "He  _died_ _._ Eliot, he- he  _died._ " He couldn't hold back his sobs now. "We lived there for 50 years, Jules, and then one day I just, I- I turned around and- and he-"

Julia pulled Quentin into a hug, rubbing soothing circles on his back with her hand. "We'll find a way to get him back, Q. I promise." She whispered.

\--------------------------

On the fourth day, when Eliot still had not regained consciousness, Alice came back to the room. Quentin was sat reading in a chair in one corner and Margo was perched on the bed, stroking strands of hair out of Eliot's eyes. Quentin started when she entered, fumbling with his book and jumping to his feet. He was still unsure of how to act around her.

"I think I know what we need to do.." She told them, without hesitation.

Quentin blinked and Margo's head snapped round to face her so quickly it looked painful.

"..What?" Quentin murmured, a gentle frown on his features.

But Margo was off the bed and striding across the room to face her. She stopped an inch away from her, almost nose-to-nose.

"You'd better tell me right this fucking second, because I am not going to stand by and watch him die like we have been up until now." Her voice was a low, dangerous hiss.

"Margo... I think you should-" Q started gently.

"No!" She snapped quietly. "You tell me right the fuck now! Have you been keeping this quiet, huh? You knew what to do all along didn't you? You just had to-"

Alice slapped her. Hard.

"Actually, no." Alice growled, her whole body resonating with anger. "I'm just the only one who's been doing any research to try and get him back."

"You little-"

Margo launched herself at Alice, fists flying.

"Stop!" Quentin cried. "Stop!"

He grabbed Margo forcefully by the back of her blouse and shoved her to the other side of the room.

"What the FUCK are you, doing?" He yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. "This is  _not_ going to get El back and it's certainly not helpful right now."

There was a long silence in which you could practically hear the two women bristling with anger.

"Fuck... Margo, I know this is hard for you but-"

"It's a lot damn harder than anything you could imagine, Quentin." She growled, turning to face him with that anger in her eyes.

Quentin sighed. "Margo... I know what you're feeling.." He looked up, meeting her gaze. "because I'm feeling it too but-"

"No. No you're not. You couldn't possibly understand. You don't know how this feels!" She was trembling with anger and sadness.

"Yes I do." He whispered sadly, almost to himself.

"No! No, you-"

"Yes. I do." He whispered fiercely, his lip turned in a half snarl, because she had to  _understand,_ had to  _see._ He grabbed her forcefully by the shoulders, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I know  _exactly_ how this feels, Margo. Like- like someone's tearing your heart out of your chest, like it's _physically painful_ and it's just- it's just too much. Like you don't know how to carry on living because if  _he's_ not there, then- then what's the point. So I am going to do every  _fucking_ thing I can-  _every fucking thing_ in my power to get him back. Because I cannot -  _literally cannot_ \- do this without  _him._ "

He stopped, only just realising that his face was streaked with tears. He turned away, ignoring Alice and Margo's speechless expressions, and headed towards where Eliot was lying on the bed.

"Q, I didn't-"

"It's fine." He cut Margo off abruptly. "How do we get him back, Alice?"

She fidgeted, shifting from foot to foot, still shocked at Quentin's outburst. "I- um- Well I wasn't completely sure a minute ago but I know now.." She paused, her eyes searching his for a second. "He's still in there. Eliot - He's still trapped in his mind, in that corner where he was the whole time the monster had control of his body."

Quentin nodded. ".. Okay. How do we get him out?"

Alice tugged at her lip with her teeth. "You, Quentin. You can pull him out."

"What? Pull him out? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't think he's fully aware that the monster has left his body.. That or he's actually trapped and cannot get out. I think.. I think Penny could get your consciousness in there so that you can pull him out."

Quentin frowned - it made sense, in a way - how could Eliot have any way of knowing that the Monster had left his body, and even if he did he might not _want_ to leave.

"But.. Why me? What about Margo?" He gestured uncertainly.

"No. It makes sense, Q, can't you see?" Margo murmured quietly.

"What? See what?"

"Quentin, you care about Eliot." Alice said. It wasn't a question, it was a fact. "You.. You love him."

"Yes, but Margo-"

"Q, would you just shut up." Margo muttered, not unkindly. "You just proved it. You love him. Period. No questioning it. Of course, I love him too, but that's- that's different. I'd fuck it up, get distracted, not say the right things-"

"Margo, you know that's not-" He started but she held up a finger to shut him up.

"But you, Quentin Coldwater," she pointed a finger at him, "you _love_ him. You would follow him to the ends of the earth, you would sacrifice everything you had for him, you would... you would die for him. You would know the right things to say and exactly what to do and you _would not stop_ until he was safe. So it will be you. And you are _not_ going to protest, you're gonna go in there and you're gonna save his sorry ass and then you're gonna come back and this will _all_ be over."

Quentin felt his cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Ok.. Ok just- just tell me what I need to do."


	2. Chapter 2

"You ready, Coldwater?"

"Yeah- yeah I'm ready." He shivered, running a hand through his hair.

"Ok let's do this," Penny muttered taking hold of his arm.

Quentin felt numb, blank. It was all surreal. They were getting Eliot back and  _he_ would be the one to do it. They had chosen him.

He gave Margo and Julia both a reassuring smile from where he was sat on the edge of Eliot's bed.

"Ok so Penny will take you into Eliot's consciousness, he'll stay the whole time so that you can get out but he's not going to get involved. You're going to locate Eliot and bring him out." Alice told him.

He nodded, shaking with anticipation and the possibility that he might screw it up. Someone grabbed hold of him fiercely and he looked up into Margo's eyes.

"Don't fuck this up, ok? You need to get him out. Whatever it takes." She pulled him into a quick hug.

"Ok let's go!" Penny grabbed Quentin's arm and he felt his eyes flutter closed.

When he opened them again he was standing in the Physical Kid's cottage. Except it wasn't. It was dark and everything inside was wrong - distorted in a way. The sofas were far too small and the tables far too big. The Tada sign was missing an A and every now and the lights would flicker before going off again.

"What the fuck..?" Penny breathed from beside him.

Panic gripped Quentin. "El?" He called.

No answer.

He had to focus. "Stay here," he muttered to Penny. "I'll uh- call you if I need help or anything."

He moved away into the darkness.

"Eliot?" He called again but was met with silence.

"Eliot? It's me. It's Quentin."

At this he heard a half strangled sob. Quentin's heart leapt and he felt a spark of hope flare up. The noise had come from upstairs.

"El, where are you?" He called cautiously as he made his way up the stairs.

"Eliot, please." He pleaded quietly into the dark. He pushed open the door to Eliot's room, his eyes searching the darkness frantically.

"Just my imagination, just my imagination, just my imagination..." A voice whispered from the other side of the room over and over again, like some sort of mantra.

"Eliot.. Is that you?" He asked softly, moving round the bed. He could make out the silhouette of a huddled figure in the shadow of the double bed, back to the wall, head in his hands.

"Oh my god, El, I was so worried!" He cried, the relief seeping through him as he moved forwards, crouching in front of Eliot.

"Don't. Don't. I'm imagining it, I'm imagining it." The other man whispered to himself clutching his head and rocking back and forth slightly.

"El.. Eliot it's me..." Quentin reached forward gently to take his hand.

Eliot flinched away, still not looking up but thrashing out wildly. "Stop. Stop! Don't! Please- please don't..." He sobbed violently. 

Quentin felt his façade crack a little then. "El, love, it's me.. It's- it's Quentin.. I can take you back. You're free now..."

"Don't! Fucking stop! Please stop!" He snarled, his hands clawing at his head so hard that his nails drew blood.

Quentin drew back, not knowing what to do. "Eliot..." He whispered quietly.

"It's not him. It's not him." Eliot whispered quietly to himself, his voice cracking and breaking.

Quentin shook his head, holding back his tears.

"Penny?" He called out, his voice wavering as he tried not to let the fear show in his voice. "Penny?"

The door swung open and Penny strode in. "What is it?"

Quentin balled his hands into fists, feeling helpless. "Eliot- Eliot he- he" He broke off with a sob. "I don't know what to do- I can't- I don't-"

"Shut up, Coldwater," he muttered crouching down beside him and watching Eliot. "Eliot? You ok?"

The other man just curled tighter in on himself, shaking his head and muttering the same thing over and over again: "It's not him." Penny cocked his head to the side slightly and Quentin could see his confusion.

"Shit, man.." Penny muttered turning to Quentin, "I don't know what to do.."

Quentin ran a hand through his hair viciously, trying desperately to stop the panic that was squeezing his chest. "We can't leave him... we've got to- got to do something.."

"I think you should talk to him." Penny suggested, glancing back at Eliot. "Try talking to him and see if that helps, I'll be outside."

"Great." Quentin sighed, his panic increasing tenfold. "El- Eliot. It's me, ok. It's- it's Quentin. The real Quentin." He started softly. He placed a gentle hand on his arm and tried to ignore the way Eliot tensed up and sobbed harder at his touch.

"The Monster's gone, ok?" He continued. "It's gone, El. Julia- she- we all got rid of it. You- you're free now El, it's gone." He didn't know what to say, what to do - Margo had been wrong about him. It should have been her. "Fuck." He muttered, squeezing his eyes shut to stop his tears from falling.

But then he noticed the way that Eliot was starting to relax under his hand and how the sobs became gentler and he stopped trembling.

"Eliot? Please, you've got to- got to come with us. You've been unconscious for _days_ and I can't-" he broke off with a sob. " _I can't_ do this all without you. I- I need you, El. I can't just watch you _die!_ Please, please- Just come with us."

He stopped, tears pouring down his cheeks.

"Quentin..?" Eliot's voice was hoarse and quiet.

Quentin snapped his head up. "Oh my god.. Oh my fucking god El." He breathed with a hiccoughing sob.

But Eliot didn't say anything. He just stared.

"El we've got to go.. Got to get out of here." He told him softly, looking around at the room that seemed to have grown more out of proportion since he'd entered.

"I want to believe you, I do.." Eliot whispered quietly, his tears streaking his face and his eyes looking haunted in the darkness.

"You look just like him.." He continued, bringing a shaking hand up to Quentin's cheek. "All my other memories of him, they were never quite right.. There was always _something_ missing.. But you...look like him."

"That's because I _am_ him El. It's me! It's Quentin!" He cried, a hysterical tone evident in his voice.

Eliot smiled sadly and ducked his head. "But you're not, are you? You're the Monster.. Trying to trick me again in my own mind.."

"No! No. No, I'm not!" Quentin shouted, hurling a book off the nearest bookshelf and across the room. "Fuck! I hate that bastard!"

He broke down on the floor, sobbing. "Look at what he's done to you, Eliot.."

Quentin had been trying to ignore Eliot's gaunt looking face and his distant eyes. The way he didn't seem like he was even in the same room as Q.. Like he might be in some far-off other place. But he couldn't ignore it now. The monster had broken him.

Eliot was staring at Quentin again, not blinking.

Quentin shook his head. He had to do this, had to get Eliot out of here.

"Eliot. Ok. Listen to me. I don't care if you don't think it's me or not, but you've got to listen." He grabbed Eliot's pale face and forced him to look at him. "You've got to get out of here. Your body is dying. You need to get out. I'm not completely sure how but I think you will know, ok? And I know you think I'm the monster right now but that doesn't matter, because even if I was, you should still give it a shot. Please, Eliot."

He watched as the other man searched his eyes quietly, holding his breath.

"...ok." Eliot whispered.

Quentin exhaled shakily. "Oh my God.. Thank you, Ok, do you know how you can get out? Like what you did last time to take over the body to get a message to me?"

Eliot looked down with a small nod. "Yes."

"Ok.. Penny?" He called. The other man popped his head round the door.

"He ok now?" Penny asked motioning to Eliot.

"I- uh.. I don't think so," Quentin murmured sadly. "But he's agreed to come with us anyway.. He knows how to get out."

"Great. Let's go."

 ----------------------------------------

Quentin and Penny followed Eliot as he walked down a corridor in a memory of Fillory. Eliot hadn't said much other than something about a door inside his most repressed memory.

"should still be there.." Eliot muttered turning the corner and entering the main throne room. He froze.

"What? What is it?" Quentin asked peering round Eliot's shoulder. He could see the scene from when they'd gotten their memories back after the mosaic. This was Eliot's most repressed memory?

"It's not... there."

"What? What isn't there, El?" Quentin asked cautiously.

"The door." Penny supplied, watching from Eliot's other side with a small frown. "There's no door."

Oh.

"I guess this means.. I'll have to do it again...." Eliot murmured, flicking his gaze towards Quentin for just a second.

Quentin moved in front of him. "Again? Do what again, Eliot? And why do you look so- so sad, this was a happy memory wasn't it? We got our memories back?" And then you rejected me, a small voice at the back of Quentin's head whispered but he pushed it away.

"Q..." And then Eliot was looking at him - _really_ looking at him. Not those scared half glances that he'd been getting since he and Penny had arrived, not with eyes that were full of fear and sadness and grief. But with eyes full of hope and promises and ... _love._

Penny coughed. "If you guys could stop eye-fucking for a second we've got some shit to do?"

Quentin blushed and Eliot moved away, heading towards the memory in front of them.

"I know this sounds dumb, but.. us- we- I mean think about it - we- we work.. we know because we've lived it, who gets that kind of proof of concept?" Memory-Quentin was saying. Quentin ducked his head, burning with embarrassment as he felt Penny's eyes on him.

"We were just injected with half a century of emotion, so I get that maybe you're not thinking clearly.." Memory-Eliot said.

"No I'm just saying.. What if we gave it a shot? Would that really be that crazy?"

"Why the fuck not?"

"I know you.. and you aren't.."

"What's it matter?"

"Don't be naive. It matters. Q, come on, I love you but... You have to know that that's not me and that's definitely not you, not when we have a choice."

"Ok.. I- Ok.. Sorry, I-"

 "Don't apologise, Q.." Eliot - the _real_ Eliot - murmured softly. Quentin's head snapped up in confusion. "I was afraid... and I pushed you away - _I'm_ sorry."

Quentin could see how Eliot's eyes flicked over to him briefly before he strode towards memory-Quentin. He watched as Eliot took memory-Quentin's face in his hands, leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to his. A small gasp escaped Quentin's lips and he ducked his head.

Eliot turned away from Memory-Quentin towards him, not quite meeting his eyes. "If I get out of here, Q, know that when I'm braver it's because I learnt it from you..."

"El.." Quentin started, but he broke off. A door had appeared.

"Time to go." Eliot muttered quietly getting up and moving towards the door.

"Wait. I think Quentin and I should go first." Penny said. "We don't know what'll happen to this place once Eliot leaves."

"That's true," Quentin nodded. "We'll go first, but make sure you go through the door straight after we leave, El."

Eliot nodded, placing a hand on the door handle.

"Ok, let's go."

Quentin's eyes fluttered closed once more and he felt Penny's grip on his arm.

 _Please, Eliot, please go through that door,_ he thought desperately.

And then he was awake and gasping for breath and there was a horrible clamor of noise around him. Someone was saying something to him but he couldn't listen, couldn't focus - could only see Eliot's unconscious form beside him. Eliot's unconscious form that _hadn't woken up._

"El, come on.." He whispered, his voice wavering.

There was a small gasp and then Eliot darted upright, scrabbling around frantically, his eyes wild.

"Jesus Christ, El.." Quentin gasped out a half-sob, launching himself at the other man and clinging to him like his life depended on it. "I thought- I thought you weren't coming back! I thought that I'd- that I'd lost you again!" He sobbed into Eliot's shoulder.

Eliot didn't say anything but slowly wrapped his arms around Quentin and held him as he cried. "I didn't think it was you..." Eliot murmured softly. "I didn't think it was you.."

Quentin drew back slightly to look at Eliot properly. His eyes still looked haunted and his face still pale but he looked more like Eliot than he had done when the monster had been in control.

And then Margo barrelled into them, practically ending up in Eliot's lap, and gripping his shoulders. "That was fucking rude of you, El. How dare you leave me on my own with this bunch of weirdos!"

A breathless laugh escaped Eliot's lips and he pulled her towards him. "Bambi.." He murmured.

Quentin couldn't stop his tears from falling as he clung to Eliot's shoulder, not wanting to let go ever again.

\----------------------------------------

A few hours later, when everything had calmed down, Quentin found Eliot in his bedroom. He stood in the doorway for a moment just watching him. Eliot still had a lost, haunted look in his eyes that Quentin hated and would do anything to get rid of.

"Hey," Quentin murmured softly as he approached. Eliot looked up, blinking, and a small smile appeared on his face.

"Q.."

Quentin sat down next to him on the bed, trying to fight off the panic and anxiety raging inside him. "I- uh- I wanted to- to talk about what happened in there.." The last bit came out in a rush and he ducked his head, focusing on his fidgeting hands in front of him.

"The happy place."

"Hm?"

"That's what we called it. The happy place." Eliot muttered, closing his eyes as if he were remembering something particularly painful.

"It didn't seem particularly 'happy'," Quentin observed, cocking his head to the side and watching Eliot.

"It was... different at the beginning. It didn't get like that until later.. When Charlton had gone and I'd lost hope and there was nothing left to be 'happy' about." He shrugged, like it wasn't a big deal and didn't matter.

Quentin swallowed. "..Ok."

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Quentin finally built up the courage to ask the question that had been burning inside him. "El, are you..ok?"

Eliot turned to him. "What do you think?"

"Ok- ok, you're obviously not ok.. But- but- fuck I'm bad at this."

"I'm not ok, Q, but I think - I hope - I will be," Eliot smiled again, a soft, sad smile.

Quentin wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Eliot again, but he wasn't sure how comfortable with that he would be so he settled on a small smile in return.

"Thank you, Q."

Quentin raised his eyebrows, surprised. "For what?"

Eliot just shook his head sadly and wrapped his arms around Quentin, burying his face in his neck. "Thank you.' He whispered.

When Eliot drew back he looked nervous, conflicted. "Q.. I- we both know there's something we're not talking about.."

Quentin blushed, ducking his head again to avoid looking at Eliot.

"And I thought.. I wanted to be the one to bring it up. I'm being brave, remember?"

Eliot paused for a second, seeming to gather his thoughts before he started talking. "The first time, when I tried to get a message to you from in there, Charlton he said that there would be a door inside my most repressed memory. We tried for a long time, looking through all my memories that seemed to be 'traumatic' but we didn't.. didn't find anything."

Quentin nodded, he had no idea who Charlton was but he wasn't going to interrupt now.

"And then you - my memory version of you - you said something about sacrificing for people you love.. and I knew then, what memory it was. It doesn't seem all that traumatic or repressed or whatever but it makes sense. Q, you need to know that I _hated_  myself for doing that to you. It wasn't- wasn't what I wanted.."

Eliot broke off, struggling to find the right words.

"I thought I was doing the right thing - for _you._  And I was scared, obviously. I was terrified. I- um- I love you, Quentin Coldwater. And that fucking scared the shit out of me."

Quentin blinked in surprise but let Eliot continue.

"I love you. So much that it's terrifying. But I.. I want to- to give it a shot if you still want to?"

Quentin exhaled loudly. "Eliot... Of course I do. I just- You- I- you love me?"

"Yes," Eliot smiled his first real smile since he'd got out of the happy place. "I love you."

Quentin's heart felt so completely full at that moment that he didn't know what to do- what to say, so he leant forward, placing one hand on Eliot's cheek.

But Eliot stopped him. He placed a finger to his lips and smiled a small, sly smile.

"Wait. Let me." He murmured. "Let me be brave, just this once."

And he moved forwards, closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to Quentin's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Please give it a kudos if you liked it! I'm not too sure about the ending and I think it's a little cringey but oh well :))


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